What It Means to Take Responsibility

In our reading of "Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway", Susan Jeffers talks about how complaining is one of the many ways that we can tell if we are standing in the role of the victim, and not taking responsibility. She says, "I have been careful not to ask you to believe that you are responsible for all the your experiences in life. Rather, I ask you to believe you are the cause of all your experiences of life, meaning that you are the cause of your reactions to everything that happens to you."

One of the self-work activities that was offered to the Inner Circle Members was to bring awareness to their own complaining, as I find that complaining is often like bad breath--we only notice it in other people. I urged the Inner Circle Members to put a rubber band or elastic of some sort around their wrist and each time they noticed themselves complaining to move it to the other wrist.

It is 10:22am as I write this, and I have already moved my HOT PINK hair tie twice. Actually, I moved it twice before 9:00am, and I realized that both times I was complaining about the same thing, to two different people.

So, what was I complaining about? My children, and the fact that combined they woke up 5 times last night, which means mommy is quite tired this morning.

So, what am I responsible for?

1. I am responsible for the fact that I told my daughter she could sleep with me since my husband is out of town. even though I know she has a tendency to move around and smack whoever is close by.
2. I am responsible for the fact that I told my daughter she could sleep with me, leaving my son alone in their shared bedroom, and he was a bit nervous being alone, thus his wake up in the middle of the night and his early morning wake up this morning.
3. I am responsible for what time I went to bed last night (after 10:30).
4. I am responsible for how I plan my day today (which might include an afternoon nap.)
5. I am responsible for deciding to have children in the first place!

No, I couldn't change the quantity or quality of the sleep that I got last night, but I definitely can change how I related to those facts. I could have continued to moan and groan about my children and my lack of sleeping, so that I would inevitable go through the day exhausted and annoyed, or I could take a totally different approach.

I won't lie to you and say that one of my first thoughts this morning was, "When can I take a nap?" but at the end of the day, no nap was needed because I shifted how I related to my reality. Instead of taking an afternoon nap, I went for an hour and a half walk in the forest with our dog. What a joy for both of us!

What about you? What steps can you take to bring awareness to your complaining, and how you are choosing PAIN over POWER?

In possibility,
Theresa Destrebecq
​Creater of the Emerge Book Circle

Read. Connect. Emerge.